2. Love & Commitment

My recent relationship is a good example of where love was present but commitment was lacking. My ex-boyfriend was not really committed to the relationship and even though he loved me, he didn't treat me right. So where there was love and commitment coming from me, it was more of a one way street and in the end I couldn't take it anymore and broke off the relationship. I think it had a major impact on our relationship, especially being the reason why it ended. You have to have both to be able to make it work. I can't really describe a personal relationship where commitment is present but not love, but I could imagine a relationship like that wouldn't work out either. To be fully committed you have to be passionate about it and that includes love, but just because you are passionate doesn't mean that you will be fully committed.

1. Deception

So everyone knows that people lie about all kinds of things on online dating sites, even Facebook. Is it ethical? No, I don't believe that it is, but that doesn't stop people. I think that it is easier to be deceptive during an online interaction because there are more aspects that you can lie about like your looks, your weight, your attractiveness level, etc. Also people make themselves out to be who they want to be or who the other person might want them to be. A person online can pretend to be into sports and use Google to keep up with a conversation about sports, while face to face interaction makes something like that almost impossible. Even though deception is much easier accomplished during an online interaction, it still occurs during face to face. People are never one hundred percent honest and lies happen all the time, whether they are major or little white lies. People tend to exaggerate on things they are insecure about just to make themselves feel better and in the end deception in both interactions is still unethical.

Ch. 10 Concept: The Development of Friendship

The first step in the development of a friendship is the role-limited interaction. This is the initial meeting and the first stage of interaction as well as a possibly friendship. Here we rely on general scripts and stereotypes. The second stage is friendly relations. Here we find out if we have anything in common. After that we are moving toward friendship and beyond social roles. In this stage we try to hang out with someone on a more personal level. At this stage you also enjoy interacting with each other but won't invest much time into the friendship. Most relationships stay at this stage because disclosures, investments and expectations tend to be limited, also known as acquaintances. The next stage is nascent friendship. We think of each other as friends and we will share feelings and emotions with each other. Then we get to stabilized friendship. Here we assume continuity in our friendship and there is a high level of trust. And the last stage is waning friendship. This is where both people stop investing time and you start to drift apart.

2. Friendship Dynamics

One of my close friends and I are always very busy, but we invest time in each other by setting up dates when neither of us work and we get together and talk about what has been happening and what is new. When we get into a disagreement we try to see each others point of view. The book mentions how necessary dual perspective is to be a good friend. We often ask each other if the other person can relate to our experience and if not we try to explain it. Another important factor is honesty. We always try to be honest with each other. I'm probably sometimes a little too honest and will tell it how it is, but I think my friend likes that about me. If something is happening that I don't agree with, I will speak my mind. If someone asks me for my opinion they will get an honest even though sometimes a bit brutally honest, opinion from me.

1. Friendship issues.

So the advice forum had very random posts and none of them had anything to do with challenges people are facing with their friendships. In this case I will just talk about how the issues represented in the book reflect to my own challenges. The first issue the book talks about is competing demand. Every person is faced with different priorities and not every person can be there for a friend all the time. One of my friends is trying to help out her mom because she's depressed and that leads her to spend more time with her mom than she does with us. She communicated this to us, so we know why she hasn't been around like usual. The other issue the book mentions is personal change. Not every friendship is life long and I've had a lot of falling outs with friends from high school. None of my relationships have stayed the same over the years.

Ch. 7 Concept: Guidelines for Communicating Emotions

Identify your emotions: What do you feel? Take time to realize what you feel instead of ignoring your emotions. When experiencing more than one emotion, try to identify the primary one, so that you can communicate what is really important.
Choose how to express your emotions: First you have to evaluate your current state. Try not to express your feelings when you are angry or upset because you are not in a clear state of mind when experiencing extreme emotions. Secondly, you need to decide who you want to express your feelings to. Next you need to select an appropriate time to discuss your emotions. And finally you need the appropriate setting, because you shouldn't express feelings of hurt or anger in a public place.
Own your feelings: Owning your feelings is very important to effective communication, because accountable for our emotions.
Monitor your self-talk: We participate in self-talk, which is communicating with ourselves when we feel emotions. We tell ourselves we shouldn't be angry or sad, etc. This affects what happens in our lives.

Fallacies

The book mentions social expectations as a fallacy and that women aren't supposed to express emotions of anger, but I have no problem letting someone know when I'm mad and upset. I have a bigger problem letting someone know when I'm hurt. I don't like when people see me as vulnerable, because I'm always usually really strong and that is what I want other people to see. I'm learning though that it's okay to share all kinds of emotion because it makes everyone understand you better as a person and it feels better to let everything out in the open rather than bottling it up inside. I guess another fallacy that shows up in my interpersonal communication is 'protecting other'. I don't always like saying how I feel because I take the other person's feelings into consideration first and before my own. I know I should take both our feelings into consideration so that I can effectively express my emotions to them. It's just a matter of how I express it.