Listening is a 10 part Skill

While reading this I learned that to make something more interesting while listening, you have to ask yourself questions like how this can be useful to yourself and if any of the ideas are worthwhile. By asking yourself questions like that, you have to take in all the information that is given during a conversation. I've noticed a lot of people get too excited when someone speaks, but I learned that you shouldn't do that until you clearly understand what is being said. You might interpret things differently when you don't fully understand what the other person was trying to convey. Distractions are inevitable and poor listeners get distracted easily, so you have to fight these distractions to be a good listener, and when you can't get rid of the distractions, you need to work on your concentration. And the last interesting thing I learned is that we think faster than we speak and that we have about 400 words of thinking time in a minute while a person is talking. We should take that extra time to our advantage and use it to think about what is being said.

Nonlistening

I Think I'm guilty of almost all the six different types of nonlistening, except for the ambushing and literal listening. I think my major problems are selective listening and pseudolistening. Sometimes my friends like to talk about the same problems a lot and I don't pay attention when things are being repeated but I'll pay attention to things that haven't been said before. When it comes to pseudolistening, I really need to try to really listen and the best way to do that for me would probably interact more during the conversation. When people have a lot to say, I have problem paying attention because too much information is given to me, so I should interact to part of the conversation so I can process all the information in parts rather than a whole. When it comes to selective hearing, I need to listen even when I have heard the story before, because by not listening, I will miss parts that I haven't heard before.

Ch. 3 Concept: The Symbolic Nature of Language

Symbols Are Arbitrary- This means that the words are not intrinsically connected to what they represent. To give something a meaning we all have to agree on the symbol. Different cultures have different meanings for example a Dr. Pepper commercial in the United Kingdom had a tagline "I'm a pepper", which over there actually meant I'm a prostitute. Since language is arbitrary they can also change in meaning over time. For example in the 1950s the word gay meant "lighthearted" and "merry" and now it is used to describe a sexual preference.

Symbols Are Ambiguous- They are ambiguous because it isn't always clear what the meaning is. Not every word means the same thing to everyone and not everyone will agree on what is meant which is a common problem between friends and romantic partners. For example in most countries the term "dog" means four-legged creature as well as a member of the family while in some other countries it also means four-legged creature and food.

Symbols Are Abstract- Being abstract means that the symbol meanings are not concrete or tangible. When someone says you are insensitive they only remember the times when you were insensitive over the times that you were sensitive.

Hate Speech

What I didn't know about hate speech is the fact that it is protected by the 1st Amendment, which means you can blurt out racist slurs and you have freedom of speech to do so. There was an example of an American Nazi Party marching through a Jewish suburb and I find that really shocking and unbelievable that people have the right to do that, but then again church members are allowed to bash gay people because apparently "god hates fags". Personally, I think that hate speech should not be protected by the 1st Amendment and it should be illegal to hate on people because they might be different from us or because they share different beliefs. Everyone should have the right to have their own opinions about whatever but nobody should be put down and bullied for not sharing your beliefs. Freedom of speech should not include hate speech. Other countries have banned it for a good reason.

American Society Metaphors

I think that the melting pot is a good way of describing American Society. Everyone has their differences even within the same culture, so I doubt calling it that will take anything away. I think we have accustomed to everyone's cultural beliefs. For example living in San Jose there are different parts of town that are for example all Mexican, from Mexican grocery stores to restaurants, yet people of non Mexican heritage still shop there. I think we can still be a melting pot without getting rid of each others differences but accepting them into our life. I think the best way to describe it is by looking at our food choices. We can eat any type of food that we want from Italian to Chinese. Another way is by looking at our immigrants, to live here most people have to speak English. I'm from Germany and I had to learn, and now most people can't even tell that I'm not American, but that doesn't mean I haven't forgotten about my German Heritage. I have just melted into fitting in by adopting the language as well as other things.

Ch.2 Concept: Guidelines for Improving Self-Concept

The first step in improving self-concept is to make a commitment and that is more than just saying you are, you have to invest time and energy to bring about change. This is also something that has to continuously happen, not just a few times. It's kind of like wanting to lose weight, going on a diet won't really work because you will most likely just gain it all back once you stop dieting. To successfully keep weight off, you need to change your lifestyle and start eating healthier and make exercise something you do regular like brushing your teeth. The second step to bring about constructive changes is knowledge. You need to understand how your self-concept is formed, and look at the socially constructed perspectives and whether or not you want to accept these. Another thing is self-disclosure, you need to reveal information about yourself that others are unlikely to discover. How people respond to this will help you learn new perspectives.

Race

According to the book, and in Western society race is considered a primary aspect of personal identity. Race a lot of times is referred to as skin color and a lot of times people refer to individuals by that. For example, someone would say black so so, to identify which so and so they mean instead of using their last name or any other ways of identification. I don't always think it's useful to classify people by their race but sometimes it makes it easy because everyone knows who you are talking about. I don't think it's necessarily right but people do it no matter what race that person is, so at least it has nothing to do with racism. Regarding the Census Bureau, I had no idea that you weren't able to check more than one race on it. I definitely think you should be able to check multiple races because we are starting to date outside our race and a lot of people are mixed races. In a couple of years there isn't going to be many people that are just one race because we are all slowly starting to mix together.

Then and Now

From what I was able to find out, I think the thing that changed most from back in the day, is the fact that women are considered even more equal than before. 60 something years ago, women were still expected to be housewives, cook and clean and be a mom, while the husband worked and brought in the dough. 40 years ago, women were attending college and they were getting their degree so that they too were able to work and not just be housewives. Men were expected to be successful and take care of their wives. Nowadays, everyone is working and everyone is supporting themselves. Women have gotten a lot more independent, and they don't count on any man. Things that were inappropriate back in the day was hitting on women like men do today. Everyone is really straight forward and they will tell you right away if they want to sleep with you. Back then there was such a thing as a gentlemen and sex wasn't really allowed outside of marriage, and it was considered sinful to be sleeping around. Now all that seems to be the norm.

Principles of Interpersonal Communication

There are 8 principles that have been considered effective when it comes to interpersonal communication.
Principle 1: We cannot Not Communicate.
There is no way that anyone can avoid communication throughout an entire day. Even silence is communicating something, whether it is anger or disinterest. And you are still communicating even when you might think that you aren't.
Principle 2: Interpersonal Communication is Irreversible
You can't take back or erase something you have said to someone else. When you get into a heated argument and say something that you later regret, all you can do is apologize. This just shows how much what we do and say matters. This should keep us aware of what we should say and what we maybe should keep to ourselves.
Principle 3: Interpersonal Communication Involves Ethical Choices
Ethical issues concern right or wrong. Since what we say affects others, we need to be aware of what we say and thus we have to make ethical choices.
Principle 4: People Construct Meanings in Interpersonal Communication
We use symbols to construct meaning into our communications and it is how we interpreted this symbols that makes us understand the meaning of communication.
Principle 5: Metacommunication Affects Meanings
Metacommunication means "about communication", meaning you communicate about someone's communication. For example when the person you are talking to seems really tense and their words sounds sharp, you might ask them if they are stressed.
Principle 6: Interpersonal Communication Develops and Sustains Relationships.
We build, refine and transform relationships with interpersonal communication.
Principle 7: Interpersonal Communication Is Not a Panacea
We communicate to satisfy many of our needs and to create relationships with others, but many problems can't be solved by talking, for example it won't end hunger. There are limits to interpersonal communication.
Principle 8: Interpersonal Communication Effectiveness Can Be Learned
Effective communicators are not born, and it's not a natural talent. You are always able to learn skills that will enhance your effectiveness in relating with others.

Relationship

The person I have become closest to is my old roommate. We first met at a party in 2007 and we got along right away. We both were looking for a house to stay at and when I got kicked out of my place, she let me crash at hers until we found a better housing situation. I barely knew her and we shared a room together for a month and it was no problem. It was neither an I-It or I-You relationship, it was an I- Thou relationship because we acknowledged each other as unique and accepted each other as who we are, rather then just meeting someone at a party and creating small talk. Our current relationship has stayed pretty much the same, only now we know how to communicate better so we can avoid unnecessary drama and arguments. She often has to have things explained to her and if she doesn't get it, she gets mad easily and thinks you are trying to cause harm, but once you explain and she gets it, there are usually no problems at all. The one thing I love is that we can scream and argue at each other one moment, say sorry and then laugh again 5 minutes later. There aren't a lot of people out there like that.

Linear & Interactive Models

Linear models are a one-way process where one person transmits information to another person. In the process of receiving information there is also a noise source, which is anything that can cause a loss in the information that is being transmitted to the other person, which can be anything from regional accents to background conversations in the workplace.
Interactive models are a two-way process, where the receiver gives feedback to a given message. In this model there is a sender and a receiver. One person delivers the information or messages to the other person. These two differ because one only lets you send and receive one way, as in one person sends while the other only receives, while in the second model one person sends and receives simultaneously. The second model also is a lot more similar to an actual conversation, because both parties are actively communicating, while in the first model only one is communicating. An interactive model could be similar to a conversation you would have with your manager at work. They ask you a question, you answer and then they respond to your answer.