3. Chapter 11 Concept

Guidelines for effective communication in families: 

Maintain Equity in Family Relationships- The most important thing in sustaining healthy families is to make fairness a high priority. You have to invest equally into a relationship.


Make Daily Choices that enhance Intimacy-Families are creative projects that reflect the choices made by the people around them. Small and big choices both matter in a relationship. You choose who you want to be with your actions and how you will bring awareness to the choices you make in your relationship.


Show Respect and Consideration- Families need to value and respect each other to be able to sustain a healthy family. It's easy to take your partner for granted, but it is important to show respect when facing problems and discussing complaints.


Don't Sweat the Small Stuff- Try to overlook minor irritations and frustrations. This will make any relationship last, whether friendship or romantic. Even though you can't control the small stuff, you sure can take responsibility for your perceptions and your response to them.

2. Changes in Marriage

I think from the changes that have already happened like marrying and divorcing multiple times, as well as arranged marriages and the fact that it's not always expected to marry, more changes will occur in the next 50 years. I think that more people will either get married just for the sake of it, like Kim Kardashian or Britney Spears. Marriage isn't a serious matter anymore, and I think the decrease in importance will either have an increase in marriage (as well as more divorces resulting from careless marriages) but it might also decrease. I know I'm not looking into getting married anytime soon, just so that I can get a divorce a couple years later. I would be fine being in a co-habitual relationship, not because of the commitment problems but rather the fact that marriage is sacred and you shouldn't have to divorce.  A few of my friends are already married and are starting to have children, but for me this is to early in life. I think some other things that might change is the age that people marry. Back in the day people used to marry very young and now most people want to wait, some even after they are 30.

1. Family Definition

I think that Family is anyone that is there for each other when times are rough. You don't have to be related to be considered family. Family is an unconditional love for one another. I would consider some of my close friends more of a family than the people that are actually related to me. They are the ones that see me and talk to me on a daily basis. They sit and listen to me cry, and they know all my problems. My real family doesn't really know everything about me like my close friends do. So I think that most things discussed in this chapter fit into this definition. Whether you are a couple, a couple with kids, or just really close friends, as long as you are there for each other and love each other and support each other, it can pretty much be considered family and you don't have to be married either to be a family or to even start one.

3. Chapter 11-Concept

Styles of Loving:
People might believe that love grows out of a friendship or that it happens at first sight. Just like there are primary colors there are primary styles of loving, eros, storge and ludos.
Eros: The most spontaneous love style, is intense and it includes sexual, spiritual, intellectual, or emotional attraction.
Storge: This is a love based on friendship and compatibility, it is comfortable and even-keeled kind. It grows out of common interests, values and life goals. They do not include the great highs of erotic ones but they don't partake in fiery conflict.
Ludos: This type of love is playful, and it is seen as a game, like a lighthearted adventure that is not really taken seriously. Many people go through ludic periods, like after a long-term relationship, but they don't stay in it. This style of loving is for people who like the romance but aren't ready to settle down.

2. Love & Commitment

My recent relationship is a good example of where love was present but commitment was lacking. My ex-boyfriend was not really committed to the relationship and even though he loved me, he didn't treat me right. So where there was love and commitment coming from me, it was more of a one way street and in the end I couldn't take it anymore and broke off the relationship. I think it had a major impact on our relationship, especially being the reason why it ended. You have to have both to be able to make it work. I can't really describe a personal relationship where commitment is present but not love, but I could imagine a relationship like that wouldn't work out either. To be fully committed you have to be passionate about it and that includes love, but just because you are passionate doesn't mean that you will be fully committed.

1. Deception

So everyone knows that people lie about all kinds of things on online dating sites, even Facebook. Is it ethical? No, I don't believe that it is, but that doesn't stop people. I think that it is easier to be deceptive during an online interaction because there are more aspects that you can lie about like your looks, your weight, your attractiveness level, etc. Also people make themselves out to be who they want to be or who the other person might want them to be. A person online can pretend to be into sports and use Google to keep up with a conversation about sports, while face to face interaction makes something like that almost impossible. Even though deception is much easier accomplished during an online interaction, it still occurs during face to face. People are never one hundred percent honest and lies happen all the time, whether they are major or little white lies. People tend to exaggerate on things they are insecure about just to make themselves feel better and in the end deception in both interactions is still unethical.

Ch. 10 Concept: The Development of Friendship

The first step in the development of a friendship is the role-limited interaction. This is the initial meeting and the first stage of interaction as well as a possibly friendship. Here we rely on general scripts and stereotypes. The second stage is friendly relations. Here we find out if we have anything in common. After that we are moving toward friendship and beyond social roles. In this stage we try to hang out with someone on a more personal level. At this stage you also enjoy interacting with each other but won't invest much time into the friendship. Most relationships stay at this stage because disclosures, investments and expectations tend to be limited, also known as acquaintances. The next stage is nascent friendship. We think of each other as friends and we will share feelings and emotions with each other. Then we get to stabilized friendship. Here we assume continuity in our friendship and there is a high level of trust. And the last stage is waning friendship. This is where both people stop investing time and you start to drift apart.

2. Friendship Dynamics

One of my close friends and I are always very busy, but we invest time in each other by setting up dates when neither of us work and we get together and talk about what has been happening and what is new. When we get into a disagreement we try to see each others point of view. The book mentions how necessary dual perspective is to be a good friend. We often ask each other if the other person can relate to our experience and if not we try to explain it. Another important factor is honesty. We always try to be honest with each other. I'm probably sometimes a little too honest and will tell it how it is, but I think my friend likes that about me. If something is happening that I don't agree with, I will speak my mind. If someone asks me for my opinion they will get an honest even though sometimes a bit brutally honest, opinion from me.

1. Friendship issues.

So the advice forum had very random posts and none of them had anything to do with challenges people are facing with their friendships. In this case I will just talk about how the issues represented in the book reflect to my own challenges. The first issue the book talks about is competing demand. Every person is faced with different priorities and not every person can be there for a friend all the time. One of my friends is trying to help out her mom because she's depressed and that leads her to spend more time with her mom than she does with us. She communicated this to us, so we know why she hasn't been around like usual. The other issue the book mentions is personal change. Not every friendship is life long and I've had a lot of falling outs with friends from high school. None of my relationships have stayed the same over the years.